Day 199 - About not reading the Bible

 

I really cannot tolerate much from the Bible at present and am not reading it at all. It is part of the strike, but also because I have no appetite for it. I can endure the most encouraging, sanitised bits presented before me, but even then, they seem largely useless to me.

My Bible, like that of many people, is simply gathering dust on a shelf. This supposed source of all truth lies neglected.

‘But it’s God’s love letter!’

Have you read it!?

Reading the Bible is one of those things you are ‘supposed’ to do after becoming a believer.

‘What do I do now?’

“Read the Bible. Go to church. Pray.’

‘Can I do anything else?’

‘Errr… you just focus on those things, and everything else will fall into place.’

‘But…’

‘Shhhh.’

I can read a few of the encouraging social media memes with Bible scriptures in them. Some of the quotes still sound hopeful to me. ‘And surely I am with you always, even to the very end of the age’. That kind of thing. But my brain is still full of the more unhelpful scriptures from the Bible. Rebukes, warnings and condemnations. And way too much about hell. It is only human to not be able to ignore these parts.

Maybe I’ll start reading it again if the prayer strike ends. But that only ends when past prayers get answered. And, at the moment, instead of anything approaching that happening, there is simply a lot of grief and difficult situations to tackle. Every day.

So, no brownie points for me for reading the Bible or praying. I’m not winning the spiritual holiness competition. Although I am still going to online church (or ‘the picket line’ as I call it). Maybe that should placate the ire of the Almighty. Or perhaps we just present a picture of God to everyone we meet and those of us who fear an angry God will find the evidence of him all around us. As the Bible says, ‘Seek and you shall find’.

I simply do not find the tone of the scriptures helpful at the moment. The Bible can sound authoritative – I mean, it is written in that way. The only other book which I have read which has a similar tone is the Quran. But that book has too little about love in it for my taste.

If the Bible is the map or manual for life which people say it is, why do believers argue about almost every direction given there? Also, it’s a very big ask to place all of your entire life under the discipline and authority of an ancient book which you have effectively learned after you learned to read. This goes for any book.

I can happily look at the book of nature and think about the Creator. But even reading that, there is evidence for a God who is not as benevolent as I would hope him to be. Nature can be red in tooth and claw.

And it’s okay for the Bible to tell everyone who reads it to repent, such things are allowed to be expressed. But am I to go around and tell everyone to repent too? No-one likes people who go around doing that. People have got their own consciences, some of them don’t need extra ones. Anyway, repentance is a journey.

Plus, what if you are in the process of repenting? The Bible’s advice – repent again? You can’t just broadcast that message to everyone – people are individuals and in different stages.

I do think that we present an image of the God we hold to be true. I had always hoped that he might be good, gentle and loving and the source of unconditional love. They say that this is the good news – that he really is all these things, as evidenced in the actions of Christ (maybe not so much in the words). But, if that is the case, why do we so rarely seem to experience this fabled love? And if we do not experience it – how on earth are we expected to share it with others? What is the point in telling people that they can live life in all its fullness if we are not doing so ourselves? But that’s the promise in the Bible – believe and you will have life in all its fullness. And if that doesn’t work out, what do you do then? Is it just user error if you do not? It’s not as if you can complain to anyone…

‘But you said ask and you shall receive, God. It seemed pretty clear.’

‘This is an angel here – we’re going to have to put you on hold again for a while. You’re number 234,323,221 in the complaints queue. Are you okay waiting? It’s sometimes slightly quicker if you message us online? The ‘answer prayers button ASAP’ button has been greyed out on your phone you say?

I’m not sure why, no. Have you tried clearing your cache?’