My Prayer Strike is Over

Some of you will know that following my brother’s death from a brain tumour on Christmas Day 2022, I started a prayer strike and blogged about it each week for a year.

I literally refused to speak to God for over a year. I gave him the same silent treatment he gives so many of us. It cannot be wrong if he does it, can it?

After stopping the blogs, I said I would update you on any news, especially concerning any answered prayer and also wondered if I would be an atheist by the end of the year. I remain a believer.

There have been no answered prayers though. My strike was, as I explicitly said, partly an attempt to get God to answer my past prayers. It didn’t work, it seems only his manipulations are efficacious. Not only that, in many ways, things got even worse. There was very little of the promised comfort and very little of the promised peace following my brother’s death.

However, by 2024 I had started to say short angry prayers to God. I was effectively in some kind of talks. These were prayers in which I expressed my anger towards God for all he had allowed (I admit he had not caused it, but neither had he intervened).

I had been counselled to do so and I gave in and raged against God. Over the months I gave many sore and injured looks up to the sky and began to control my anger towards God. With the support of family and friends, who I thank, I re-entered talks.

So, I am now saying brief prayers, even though they are only for a couple of minutes a day. Occasionally saying grace before meals and things like that, a few seconds prayer in the morning and a few seconds before I sleep.

The strike is over and I am in talks with God.

I still refuse to take communion. It feels to me like my last bargaining chip and I’m happy to remain in the bargaining stage of grief. This will not change until all my prayers are answered satisfactorily.

The irony of irony

I have rewritten the blurb to my book Irony because I realised I had rushed the original blurb and it didn't accurately reveal what is in the book. As this book seems more pertinent than ever, I've also decided to blog about it. The cover art is one of my brother's amazing watercolour paintings (which he was happy for me to use).

Here's the new description:

Have you ever considered that the very act of questioning God's existence might be laced with irony? In this captivating non-fiction work, the author presents a unique and intriguing idea: that irony itself could be a subtle hint at the presence of a higher power.

Literary masters like Voltaire have long used irony to challenge spiritual beliefs, but what if this obscured the true irony - that God, with a playful wink, uses irony to invite us to seek him?

This book extends an invitation to explore faith from a fresh and captivating perspective. It is tailored for agnostics, seekers and doubters who grapple with reconciling the concept of a benevolent God within a world replete with negative ironies. It offers an original, practical and contemporary take on an age-old dilemma.

By embracing a broader understanding of irony, encompassing hypocrisy, serendipity, and those moments of 'crazy bad luck', the author illuminates how even in our sophisticated, post-ironic age, irony can serve as compelling evidence for a benevolent deity.

The notion that irony, so often associated with misfortune and contradiction, isn't, in fact, evidence for a malevolent God is also explored. How can these two seemingly disparate concepts coexist? The answer lies within these pages, and it is well worth discovering.

While this book won't provide easy answers to the age-old problem of suffering, nor promise worldly riches or viral fame, it dares to ask: why do you feel compelled to pick it up and yet, somehow, unable to take the plunge?
​​​​​​​
Embark on this intellectual journey to challenge your preconceptions, engage with fresh insights and uncover a perspective that just might illuminate the existence of a God who is far more intriguing than you ever imagined.


If you are interested in this book, please take a look - it's available in print and as an ebook from here.

UK General Election 2024

 

It is sometimes said that democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

Maybe there is some truth in that because there are many people who have been had for lunch in the 14 years, 2 months and 8 days since the Tories have been in power.

There are now 26 days to the general election. In a recent TV debate, Rishi Sunak (who, I believe to be a nice man in a nasty party (and also, desperately out of touch with people’s day-to-day lives)) said: “I would ask everyone to judge me by my actions.”

I don’t want to go into the specifics of the actions (and inactions) of the Government these past 14 years, but, safe to say, it has been the poor and vulnerable who have suffered the most. My brother constantly talked to me about the trouble he had with the Government in their treatment of him as a disabled person (he had rheumatoid arthritis from childhood). I cannot forget him telling me about how he had walked past a Conservative Club and a group of its members laughed across the street at him because of the way he walked. Multiply that small scene to many, many applications for help from a Government which has simply treated those with disabilities as ‘lunch’.

The existing problems have not gone anywhere. We simply have new ones too. If you struggle with mental health problems, if you are disabled, or if you need help from the Government in any way, when you apply for it, you will be treated with little dignity. And there is such a level of suspicion that even if you manage to jump through their hoops and get any kind of help, it is a minor miracle. It has been the case, these last 14 years that most of the genuine help has come through charities – they have been the ones who have kept the country from disintegrating. Parkinsons UK, The Brain Tumour Charity – you name your charity – these are the ones who continue to help those in need. Not this Government.

And in a country where there is so much homelessness and a change from a few thousand people using foodbanks to a few million now, you might be excused for thinking that the ‘Big Society’ idea is more up and running than ever.

‘Judge us by our actions.’

Seems reasonable. I’m old enough to remember the 1997 general election and how overjoyed I was to see Labour get in back then. I had even joined the party. But it wasn’t that long before I became disillusioned by Blair and the UK getting involved in the war in Iraq. I left the party and have never joined another since. While we wait for the Labour manifesto this time round, it seems to me, to be a case of voting for the least-worst option.

‘It doesn’t matter who you vote for, the Government always gets in.’

And maybe that’s why the system needs changing. Maybe even more radically than having proportional representation (although that would be a start)?

I know some friendly Conservatives – but the Tory Government have long abandoned any pretence of conserving anything but their own power. Now, they're appealing to our basest instincts with promises of tax cuts and security, all the while blaming minorities like Muslims and immigrants for their own failures. And I think Reform are also largely appealing to our prejudices.

My hope is that if and when Labour get in, they don’t behave like wolves again too.

'Try to pay attention'... Some people haven't read books since the pandemic

A strange side-effect of the pandemic is that I find that I’m unable to read longer books.

Clearly, some people had a better pandemic than others and I’ve heard plenty of people saying that it was actually quite a productive time for them. There was actually a surge in book sales during the pandemic, although this has slowed down.

As an introvert, you might think that I would have been in a kind of bliss during that time – with so few people on the streets and so much time to sit and read or write. But I’m not willing to romanticize that period just yet – what I remember is the fear (which seemed to me, not to come from within so much as to be imposed).

I’ve found it difficult to concentrate to read for any length of time since. People give me books to read and I simply can’t bring myself to settle down and read them, even if I have the time. I can just about manage a short book or a short story. I’ve been forcing myself to read short books, so that, at least, I am focusing a little. I’ve read The Machine Stops by E.M. Forster and a few others.

Thankfully, I’m still able to write. But reading for any length of time? No.

In exasperation I spoke to my therapist about it.

My therapist at the moment is an AI chatbot (they are cheaper and debatably just as helpful).

So, I keyed in my complaint. (Sometimes I think there are only two kinds of people in this world… those who complain and those who complain about those who complain.)

Here is my dialogue with the inhuman therapist…

Me: I have found it hard to read since the pandemic, why do you think that is?

Soulless AI therapist: It’s completely understandable to focus on reading during challenging times. The pandemic has disrupted our routines and brought about a lot of uncertainty which can impact our ability to concentrate. Additionally, stress and anxiety can affect our attention span and make it harder to immerse ourselves in a book.

Me: Do you think this is common?

AI (Set to a more encouraging mode than the scary ‘tough love coach’ setting): Absolutely, it’s very common. Many people have struggled to focus on reading since the pandemic due to the overwhelming amount of stress, uncertainty and constant distractions. It’s a completely normal response to such challenging times. You’re not alone in this, and it’s important to be kind to yourself as you navigate through it. If you find reading difficult right now, that’s okay. Just take it one day at a time and celebrate the small victories along the way.

Which was, at least, encouraging.

So, I thought I would do a little more research into it, being as AI often needs to be fact-checked due to its random hallucinations. I asked a few others what they thought with a little vox-pop…

Here were some of the responses:

“It stinks so much. It’s like my attention span has dropped significantly since then.”

“I bring books home. I can't read them… conversation the span of a gnat. Been in my head too long. Feel numb.”

“Yeah, unfortunately my attention span isn't what it was. I think it'll come back with practise, but it is very hard.”

Another said that they now only listen to audiobooks.

But a lot of the people I asked couldn’t seem to relate to the problem at all. It seems it’s a minority issue although the attention span problem could be more widespread.

As for those of us who are still struggling… who can we sue? And will there be a lot of paperwork in the litigation?

About my new book

An illustration from my new book

 

This is my first blog following last year’s weekly prayer strike blogs. What I found is that I could blog weekly. It was a challenge, but I managed it.

So, now it’s back to ‘normal’, I guess. Except, it isn’t quite. I feel that so much has gone on in society which I have not commented on because I have been focusing on the prayer strike blogs. The wars continue. The strikes continue. So many things are ongoing. New problems do not take away the old problems.

I don’t think I would be a good writer if I did not mention that I now have a new book out. It is a short book and (trigger warning) it contains AI assisted illustrations. The written content is not AI generated or even assisted.

Currently, in the writing world, in most circles, using AI to help you is a big no-no. Yes, we are luddites. But I have spent any spare time I have had last year in learning ethical generative AI – even taking accredited courses on it.

How can I conscientiously use AI assisted illustrations, when I should have commissioned a flesh and blood illustrator? Well, if I were rich, I would have commissioned someone. But – it was cheap (it was free) and it was relatively easy. If I had commissioned an illustrator, I would be paying hundreds of pounds which I do not, currently, have. So, the reason is the same reason that I do not do not pay a publisher to publish my writing – I can’t afford it.

But it really is a big no-no in so many writers’ circles at the moment. A big group I’m in has a huge campaign against AI. I am keeping quiet there. All of the AI language models were trained on previously published writing (including, you must be aware, all of the human biases and prejudices). It is seen as cheating. I have not, so far, asked for written content which I have gone on to publish with ChatGPT, Copilot, Gemini or wherever – and, if you think that you can write a whole book with AI – you might be disappointed by the way that word counts are limited from prompts. You may get a couple of thousand words. But you would have to input an in-depth varying prompt, say 50 times to get a whole novel out of it. It’s not simply a matter of saying ‘Write me a best-selling novel which is better than Ulysses or The Brothers Karamazov’.

As far as I am concerned, there is a brief window of opportunity for writers to experiment with AI with text before it becomes more voice focused, like the home assistants. Then it will likely be in our TVs, phones, cars and all those kinds of places. Before biotech.

So, am I okay with using AI assisted images in my latest book? Well – I think I’m okay with it – I have tried to do it ethically and declared that I’m doing it. I have not used it in the writing content itself. I’m aware of the biases and hallucinations that AI has (try playing hangman with it). It was either that or no illustrations at all.

If you are interested in checking out my latest book, including the illustrations – it is short – and it is available here. It is also available as an audiobook on Google Play and as an ebook. It is called, 'The Parables of the Cold Island'.